Belittling Bombay

Light rain splattered over the window as the distracted driver slowly cruised into a lower gear. The motion sickness would pass now, I thought as I slowly regained my composure, and peered out into the rain soaked streets of Mumbai. Bombay, as I reassuringly call it in my head. Much has changed in this city since the last time I set foot here, much has changed since the day I was born here. But something still lingers in the air, something which inevitably leads to thoughts of liberalization, of trade and commerce, of movie stars and Bollywood, and of a certain sense of freedom that no amount of wild hinterland can offer.

This is the place where dreams can come true they say, but this is also the place that nightmares are made of. The dirty belly of the city lies in stark contrast to its dazzling peripheries, and for those who scratch beneath the surface, a bitter truth appears. Maybe it's just the unflinching cynic in me, but Bombay has always had a way of evoking a certain sense of bitterness and sarcasm within. Maybe I never truly understood her. Maybe I was simply afraid to open my mind to the vast opportunities that this city of contradictions held for me.

But what is Bombay, other than a city of accusatory contradictions. Everywhere you look, you will see disparity. It seems like an independent ecosystem sometimes, feeding slowly on the lives of its inhabitants. It also happens to be a repetitive reminder of the classic adage 'While the rich get richer, the poor get poorer'. Poverty is all around, the homeless hound you like zombies, demanding the last vestiges of sanity from you. The homes are dingy and probably belong in a British novel of the Victorian era, and the distinct smell of the sea, fish, sweat and unrealized dreams haunt you wherever you go.

In spite of all these though, there is something alluring about the place that one cannot truly fathom without living there. I think it stems from the fact that almost everyone is there to make a living, and this serves as a kind of unspoken and unchanging bond between people. One has to listen carefully though, because this message may be veiled under a tirade of abuse.

Lines that I've loved or grown to love.

"Dark spruce forest frowned on either side the frozen waterway. The trees had been stripped by a recent wind of their white covering of frost, and they seemed to lean toward each other, black and ominous, in the fading light. A vast silence reigned over the land. The land itself was a desolation, lifeless, without movement, so lone and cold that the spirit of it was not even that of sadness. There was a hint in it of laughter, but of a laughter more terrible than any sadness - a laughter that was mirthless as the smile of the Sphinx, a laughter cold as the frost and partaking of the grimness of infallibility. It was the masterful and incommunicable wisdom of eternity laughing at the futility of life and the effort of life. It was the Wild, the savage, frozen-hearted Northland Wild. "

"The dominant primordial beast was strong in Buck, and under the fierce conditions of trail life it grew and grew. Yet it was a secret growth. His newborn cunning gave him poise and control. "

"Wilderness appealed to those bored or disgusted with man and his works. It not only offered an escape from society but also was an ideal stage for the Romantic individual to exercise the cult that he frequently made of his own soul. The solitude and total freedom of the wilderness created a perfect setting for either melancholy or exultation. "

"I wished to acquire the simplicity, native feelings, and virtues of savage life; to divest myself of the factitious habits, prejudices, and imperfections of civilization ... and to find, amidst the solitude and grandeur of the western wilds, more correct views of human nature and of the true interests of man. The season of snows was preferred, that I might experience the pleasure of suffering, and the novelty of danger. "

"The physical domain of the country had its counterpart in me. The trails I made led outward into the hills and swamps, but they led inward also. And from the study of things underfoot, and from reading and thinking, came a kind of exploration, myself and the land. In time the two became one in my mind. With the gathering force of an essential thing realizing itself out of early ground, I faced in myself a passionate and tenacious longing - to put away thought forever, and all the trouble it brings, all but the nearest desire, direct and searching. To take the trail and not look back. Whether on foot, on snowshoes, or by sled, into the summer hills and their late freezing shadows - a high blaze, a runner track in the snow would show where I had gone. Let the rest of mankind find me if it could. "

"It is true that many creative people fail to make mature personal relationships, and some are extremely isolated. It is also true that, in some instances, trauma, in the shape of early separation or bereavement, has steered the potentially creative person toward developing aspects of his personality which can find fulfillment in comparative isolation. But this does not mean that solitary, creative pursuits are themselves pathological ...
[A]voidance behaviour is a response designed to protect the infant from behavioral disorganization. If we transfer this concept to adult life, we can see that an avoidant infant might very well develop into a person whose principal need was to find some kind of meaning and order in life which was not entirely, or even chiefly, dependent upon interpersonal relationships. "

Placement season kicked in a while ago. Nervous faces, quick skimming through pages of books that are blighted by shiny fluorescent ink, endless hours of petty quarreling and the loss of one of the most patient persons temper are just a few distinct signs that people are shitting their pants. But these signals are extremely subtle so you'll have to pay very close attention to detail or you might just miss them.

Talks of economic crisis, global financial meltdown and the new American Presidential regime are glued on everyone's minds right now but the real terror which noone speaks about involves being unemployed - jobless and destitute. If you want to witness over 300 grown men and women grope around in the dark in a savagely primitive manner, whilst simultaneously displaying and entertaining those very urges and instincts that would make Darwin's theory look ridiculously absurd, then look no further than B-school. Of course i clearly speak analogically.

Now, there are a few though, who refuse to participate in the madness. Reasons for their denial are complex and may vary drastically. Arrogance, greed, 'jugad', or a simple sense of not following the mob - call it whatever you may, but in my opinion these are the handful of people that'll end up living fruitful lives ultimately in the long run. Sure, it may not be the most extravagant or indulgent lifestyle, but it would certainly be one of the most satisfying and content of the lot. And I'm not so sure if one really needs anything more than that.

These so-called 'hardened times' are a gift for us, a blessing in disguise. Here is an opportunity to look beyond the ordinary and venture out into unchartered territories and do dangerous things. Things that we would never even consider doing under normal circumstances. Then again, normality is just a relative term. And for all we know, it could be so that after years of living in darkness and ignorance maybe this is what normal really feels like.

Taking chances was never clearer or simpler for us than it is right now and there is absolutely no necessity to drown in a sea of self-pity, sympathy, apathy and jealousy. This is an encrypted message to the lot of us from a higher being. All that remains to be seen now is how many can break the cipher.

The river

Every new day which i spend here makes me wonder and question myself more ferociously than the previous time, what in the hell is it that i’m really doing here. I’m an alien, not a robot like the others. We bust our asses, day after day, going to these meaningless 'institutions of higher education' and i just can't stop myself from thinking that this is a total waste of my time. Not to mention, a waste of my fathers hard earned money. But this is not my place. And this is not my time. I see these people thriving on such conditions and i for one also thrive under pressure, because i have to, but this isn’t exactly what i had in mind for my life. What happens once mba passes on and i get a job. How am i gonna deal with that. Some call me lazy and some call me laid back. I know i’m smart enough to get myself a decent placement. I can talk my way through it. But what then? Am i gonna continue talking myself through shit all my life? Is that all i’m gonna achieve and learn here? People talk about the big bad corporate world and its ruthlessness and how it constantly demands results and if you cant deliver you may as well leave with some dignity before you're flung out dramatically. But are these really the kind of results that i give a fuck about? Am i gonna be preparing feasibility reports for the new designer and multi-coloured underwear thats causing a rage in the mid to higher level market segment? Or am i gonna study consumer behaviour patterns and use my so-called 'knowledgeable judgement' to determine who needs a facial uplift and who needs a nose job. Isn’t that pretty much where i’m headed at this point in time?

What about living my life. What about experiencing those things which give me true joy. But where’s the money in that, they ask me. i’m not gonna make good income sitting in my room and writing down my perspective on the wild world. I’m not gonna get a good pay package to write down fantasies of the mind. Fancies of the feeble. What about the fancy cars and well furnished homes and the trendy gizmos that i could buy myself if i go down the road taken. How would i feed my face if i didn’t have basic financial security?

But what about the other path. As RF said, he took the road less travelled. Will i be courageous enough to take that road and not feel the need to hesitantly look over my shoulder every step of the way and contemplate turning back? I need to be strong. I need to have resolve worthy of a king. I need to be able to live my life under the weight of the disappointment that i shall cause by the might of my unconventional decisions.

But what if i continue like this? I’ll get placed in some company that i don’t give a fuck about. I’ll be in it solely for the money and for the growth options of my ‘meticulously planned out career’. I’ll work a 9 to 5 job, even put in a lot of extra hours, slog my butt off and hope to be promoted so i can earn more money and have more responsibility thrust on me and get more work to pile inside my ass so that i can postpone the things i really want even further into the future. I’ll be a slave to the money. But will i really be happy. Will i witness the truly joyful things in life that were positioned to provide the greatest of highs but are just completely looked around now. The world will frown at me. Some will turn their back on me. Some will even question my sanity. But i’ll stare them right back in the face and say fuck you, i’m no longer a slave to the system. I made my own rules and i live by them and i can swear by them. And in my mind i’m the richest man in the world.

I don’t wanna follow the crowd. Heck i don’t even want the crowd to follow me cause I’m no leader. I wanna be my own person, not answer to any higher authority. I’m not doing anything illegal. But in today’s ‘super competitive world’ following your heart is no less than arson. Everyone’s so concerned with the ever expanding list of deadlines to be met, everyone’s obsessed with scoring higher marks and making more money. Where’s the inspiration? Where’s the joy? I look around me and i see people laughing, but where’s the genuineness? Where’s life? I wish i was born 200 years ago, when i could sit by the side of a river and stare into the vastness of the water, in complete awe of the magic it contains, and sing songs in my head and dream about what the heavens would look like if the world around me contains such immaculate beauty. I wish i could be a child again, not bothered about how much money i have in my back pocket or how to make the world like me. Playing in the grass meant the world back then.

I would walk aimlessly upon fields of endless gold under the brilliant sunshine matched only with the radiance on my face. I would cross the paths of unknown strangers and pass on my feelings of infinite simplicity like a contagious epidemic. I would watch the people pass me by with frowns on their faces and lines on their foreheads and i would heal them with a simple touch of kindness and the melody of words.

But that is not to be. Fast forward to right now, and the world seems a darker place. Colour has lost meaning, beauty has lost essence, and people have lost their hearts. The sky is darker when the sun is at its highest in the afternoon sky. The wind is chillier than at the lofty peaks of the highest mountains in the middle of a warm summer afternoon. The world has shrunk they say, but somehow the distances between people have multiplied immensely. Material benefits have consumed us entirely and got us by the balls, and we’ll be truly blessed if we’re ever released by their deathly hold.

Now tell me, am i a dreamer? Am i a fool? I think not. I think i see beyond what the eye can. I can sense. I can feel, in the true sense of the word. I can imagine. I can perceive. I can even enlighten. They pass me by and look at me with their bewildered eyes and ask each other why i am the way i am. Well i am, the way i am, because i am hope. Hope that someday we can rediscover the truth. Someday we can look beyond the purely visible and truly see the world as it was intended to be seen. Consciousness has consumed me and someday i’ll successfully pass it on to hundreds of millions more. And then they’ll question me and mock me no more. They’ll let me be. Because they’ll be just like me. And then we’ll stare at the river together.

Revolutionize

You really should make a radical change in your lifestyle and begin to boldly do the things which you may previously have never thought of doing, or been too hesitant or scared to attempt. So many people live within unhappy circumstances and yet they will not take the initiative to change their situation because they are conditioned to a life of security, conformity and conservatism, all of which may appear to give one peace of mind, but in reality nothing is more damaging to the adventurous spirit within a man than a secure future. The very basic core of a mans living spirit is his passion for adventure. Hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun. If you want to get more out of life you must lose your inclination for monotonous security and adopt a helter-skelter sort of life that will at first appear to you to be crazy, but once you become accustomed to such a life you will see its full meaning and its incredible beauty.

But i fear that you will ignore my advice. You may think that i am stubborn but you are even more stubborn than i am. I fear you will follow this same inclination in the future and thus fail to discover all the wonderful things that are placed around us, just waiting to be discovered by us. Don't settle down and sit in one place. Move around, be nomadic, make each day a new life. You are gonna live a long time and it would be a shame if you did not take the opportunity to revolutionize your life and move into an entirely new realm of experience.

We just have to have the courage to turn against our habitual lifestyle and engage in unconventional living. My point is that you do not need me or anyone else around you to bring this new kind of light in your life. It is simply waiting out there for you to recognize and grasp it. The only person you are fighting is yourself and your apprehension to engage in new circumstances.

"I would rather be ashes than dust.
I would rather that my spark should burn out in a brilliant blaze than it stifled by dry-rot.
I would rather be a superb meteor, every atom of me in magnificent glow, than a sleepy and permanent planet.
The function of man is to live, not to exist.
I shall not waste my days trying to prolong them.
I shall use my time.

- Jack London . "